Voyager's Kat
by Tarika Nachtwind
Summary: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 How will Chakotay and the crew cope with Captain Janeway's decision? JC as always.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just this story._

"Sorry, Commander, but no, I will not be going!" Captain Kathryn Janeway looked up sharply from her desk when her second in command entered the sanctuary of her ready room. Though as soon as she caught the hurt expression on Commander Chakotay's face, her own features softened, he had only tried to get her to take some shore leave and relax for a while, after all.

It was rare that they met aliens who agreed to help them in every way, granting supplies and shore leave in abundance. They had met this special type of humanoids only two days ago and cargo bay one and two were already filled almost beyond their capacity. First contact had amused the whole crew. These aliens were shorter than the average human hight, so that this time Captain Janeway had no problem looking them in the eye. Other than that they looked like they were all going to a Halloween party with a cat theme: There were the typical cat-like ears and eyes, a short snout and a wild mane of various colors, that could almost rival a lion's. The rest of their body was human-like, except for the long tail and bushels of hair around their wrists and ankles. Their hands and fingers were rather slender, but instead of fingernails they used to toy with their claws while speaking to Voyager's commanding officer. The dresses of the Faylee-people, as they called themselves, were very bright, even Neelix's clothes seemed rather dull in comparison, yet they suited them in a beautiful way.

Kathryn brought one hand up to her temple, trying in vain to rub away the headache that gradually built up behind her eyes. "Look, Chakotay, I am just glad that we stopped and that I can catch up on the reports a bit. After all the problems we have had lately, it is the best I can hope for." She sighed and surveyed the ever growing mountain of padds on her desk.

"Then let me treat you for dinner at least. We can make it a working dinner and I can help you with B'Elanna's report. What do you think?" Chakotay's voice sounded hopeful.

"Right now I am eating and breathing these reports, I don't think I want them to follow me to my quarters tonight."

Chakotay's eyes dulled.

"Do you think you can manage dinner with just me for company?" she asked with pure mischief dancing in her eyes while her special crooked smile lightened her face.

Chakotay shook his head slowly as if to shake away an odd dream, but suddenly his eyes lit up as well and he gave her a huge dimpled smile in return. "You never cease to amaze me, Captain, here I am, trying to find a way to get you to relax at least a little bit and you agree to it just like that. I was prepared for much more work on my part."

"Oh, but there is one condition."

"I should have known... "

"I'll take you up on the offer to read B'Elanna's report, tomorrow morning. When you get it done till lunchtime you might find yourself somebody to accompany to this beautiful planet in the afternoon."

"I will be honored to do so, my Captain!"

Kathryn laughed. "Now go and enjoy your shore leave. You have truly earned it."

Voyager's first officer was almost out of the door, when he was called back: "Oh, Chakotay!"

He turned around. "Yes?"

"1900 hours, your quarters and don't be late!"

"1900 hours it is." He chuckled and strode on the bridge.

A few hours later Kathryn wished she would have gone with Chakotay or that she could go back in time and undo everything, never minding the headache she would surely get. Blankly she stared at the screen, knowing that the beautiful feline face of the president of the Faylee-people would haunt her until the end of her life as well as those of her ten crew members: Chakotay, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, Neelix, Naomi, Seven, Lieutenant Carter, Crewmen Jacobs and Miller. Who would get them home, if not Tom, Harry and B'Elanna? Could they face the unknown without the superior knowledge of Seven? How could she ever face Ensign Wildman again? What about Neelix and the others? And Chakotay? Tears threatened to spill, but they didn't, not yet, maybe never. The Captain was in charge now, had to be in order to stop the world from spinning. There had to be something she could do, to wake up from this nightmare.

Kathryn had been working on her reports well into beta-shift, but she seemed to get through them with ease. She even caught herself humming once or twice, and couldn't remember her earlier headache at all. The bridge crew had caught on her good mood and were much more relaxed than they had been this morning. Jokes and laughter were flying around the bridge and occasionally a remark from Tuvok, keeping the other officers alert nonetheless. She was aroused by Tuvok hailing her, calling her to the bridge. Smiling she made her way towards the door, what was that song again that now stuck in her head? Oh right, "When Irish eyes are smiling". She shook her head, that was definitely going too far, she really needed to talk to Chakotay, yet she couldn't help grinning as she stepped out of the door.

"The president called us, Captain", Tuvok told her quietly.

"Well, put her on screen, Lieutenant", she replied enthusiastically.

"Hello President! It is nice to see you..." Her smile died and her voice fainted when she beheld the seriousness in the face of her host. She felt an odd tingling sensation that covered her scalp. It took a few seconds for her to realize that it was fear that she was feeling. She threatened the moment the president would open her mouth to tell her, but the Captain knew that she had to hear it. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and looked up. "What can I do for you?"

The president seemed to need some time to compose herself as well. "I am so sorry Captain, I really tried to help, but there is nothing I can do, the laws bind my claws and teeth, I ..."

Kathryn held up her hand, stopping the other in mid sentence. Calmly, almost kindly she spoke: "Please, President, just tell me what has happened." Nothing in her voice displayed her emotions.

"Somebody killed two dozen of our cats, your officers were caught at the scene of crime. We had earlier reports, that your people petted the ancestors, which isn't a crime, just highly unusual as it is normally done only by the descendants, but killing them is outrageous. The usual penalty is death, since they are off worlders we can grant them mercy, they will stay in prison for the rest of their lives. I am sorry." The president hung her head.

Kathryn eyes flickered towards Tuvok, but he solemnly shook his head.

The silent communication between the captain and her officer didn't escape the Faylee's eye. "We have modulated the shields of the planet, Captain, you cannot beam them back to your ship. They will have to remain on the planet. The laws are strict. If I allowed one exception, the whole system would collapse, anarchy would be the result. We cannot allow this to happen," the president took a deep breath, "I wish to offer you my condolences, but would advice you to leave orbit as soon as possible."

Kathryn's head was spinning, but no plan did come to her mind, no nothing at all. But she couldn't accept this, couldn't abandon her people. "Is there nothing I can do?", she asked, her voice trembling with pain and hope.

The president looked at her with compassion in her pretty green eyes and shook her head. "There is something, but we can't ask that of any of you." She hesitated, but as she caught Captain Janeway's pleading look, she continued: "We do have an ancient tradition. If somebody chooses to lay down his life willingly for his friends, then his friends will go free." She looked up and saw something in Kathryn's eye, something she couldn't interpret. "Mind, I said willingly, otherwise his or her death will be for nothing, the ancestors will know..."

"I assure you, President, that I would never ask any of my crew to sacrifice themselves, never! I wouldn't even allow it if they suggested it on their own. I am their captain and responsible for them."

"Captain, I am sorry that I misjudged you and that I cannot help you. I wish you a save journey and...", her voice trailed off as sudden understanding hit her. She looked at the leader of this small group of voyagers in awe. During her time as president of the Faylee-people she had encountered many leaders, but only a few of them would make such a decision; she herself wasn't sure if she could be numbered among them. "and please don't do anything rash, I will contact you again in one hour", the president concluded and the screen went blank.

The beta-shift crew looked at each other in confusion, only Tuvok lifted both eyebrows as Captain Janeway rushed to her ready room. He turned the bridge over to Lieutenant Baker and joined his commanding officer.

Kathryn sat on the couch, looking out at the stars when Tuvok entered her sanctuary. She didn't even bother to turn around. Tuvok, on the other hand, hesitated only for a moment than sat down next to her. "I will miss you, my friend", he whispered. They sat in silence, until she finally turned around. Her eyes seemed darker than usual, glittering with unshed tears.

"Don't make me change my decision, it is final!", she replied quietly, trying to hold back her tears. "Almost all of the senior staff is imprisoned. The ship won't function without them."

"The ship can't function without its captain, either."

"Commander Chakotay is a very good substitute. I know Voyager will be in very good hands, you will take care of them, won't you?

"They will not understand. They will be devastated. They will grieve. Voyager will never be the same again. Commander Chakotay, he will have nobody to turn to, I am worried about him, Captain."

The tears now fell silently. "I am so sorry about all this, but I can't do anything else, I... Oh, please help them, Tuvok, you are my rock, will you be theirs as well?

"I will look out for your crew, Captain. It grieves me as well to let you go, but I knew what your decision would be, but I had to try, for the sake of the others and for my own. I will never forget you, Kathryn."

She hugged him briefly. "I can't ask for more. Live long and prosper my friend."

Tuvok could only nod.

Then came the call from the bridge: "The president is hailing us, Captain."

She walked out of the room. "On screen!"

The picture of the president filled the screen silently awaiting the answer.

Kathryn looked straight ahead, a small smile was playing around her lips, her eyes were sad but determined. "I will do it!"

The president nodded, her face solemn. "That is what I thought. Stand by for your transfer."

_TBC... _


	2. Chapter 2

"We aren't going to get out of here, are we?"

"Don't worry, Naomi", Harry assured her, "I'm sure Captain Janeway already has a plan to help us. She'll never leave without you!"

"Nor without Chakotay", whispered someone into Harry's ear, someone familiar. He spun around. Sure enough he looked up in Tom's boyish grinning face.

"What's up with you?", Harry asked, somewhat annoyed at his friend's lack of seriousness, "this certainly is no time for jokes, or starting on some betting pools, for that matter."

"Oh, Harry, where is your sense of humor?" Tom looked around. "You know, I have seen a few prisons in my lifetime, the only constant was a certain Janeway. You should have more faith in your own words, pal. In the meantime just sit down and relax, these aren't the worst accommodations I have ever spent some time in."

That was true. The room they were all locked in was spacious, benches were the only furniture but enough for all of them. There even was a bathroom, though without a door, fresh water that came from a sink and simple, but good food that had been given them a little more than an hour ago. The Faylee-people did treat them with humanity.

If only they would have believed them with the cats as well. Naomi had wandered off alone, looking around this wondrous world with joy. Her mom had not been feeling well that morning and so Naomi almost gave up her hopes to go down to this planet. It was Commander Chakotay who had asked her if she would mind visiting the planet with him and she had been thrilled. A few hours later she made that horrible discovery: Under some shady trees, she found a heap of at least 20 dead cats, all cruelly butchered. Blindly she ran away from there and almost into Harry, Chakotay and Neelix. Her sobs and tears alarmed the officers. Together with the rest of the away team they made their way to the trees to see for themselves. What they saw shocked them as much that they only became aware of the angry mob when it was too late. Suddenly they were surrounded by those catlike people who started to throw stones. Only some policemen and -women managed to get the crowd under control and Voyager's people out of harm's way as they ushered them towards a white house that wasn't too far off, the jail... Once inside, they were told that killing the ancestors, as the Faylees called the cats, was a crime that was usually punished with death, but for them, being off-worlders, the punishment would just be lifelong imprisonment.

Now they had been held in this room for over five hours. Yes, they had been in much more dangerous situations, but the integrity of their hosts as well as the well-built prison reduced their hope somewhat. So it was a surprise to all of them that Tom's words seemed to come true a few minutes later. The door opened and a guard stepped in.

"You are hereby released. We are to escort you to our transport room, you will be beamed back to your ship immediately."

Voyager's away team shared puzzled looks, but left the room quickly without asking any questions as they didn't want to push their luck. Harry received a hard blow on his right shoulder by none other than his best friend.

"Told you we'll make it out of here, didn't I? I think we should have a party tomorrow evening, and the Captain will be the guest of honor." With a sideways glance at Chakotay he added: "But only when she attends with a date."

Harry grinned. "You and your betting pools!" He shook his head. "Anyway, as far as I know the Captain, she won't come without Chakotay. He is the only one that can persuade her to leave the ready room for a simple party."

Pouting, Tom answered: "Whoever told you that the party is going to be simple?"

Suddenly, an aid of the president came running towards them.

Tom and Harry looked up startled. "Is she going to stop us?", Harry asked his friend. Tom could only shrug his shoulders.

But the aid did pass them without taking any further notice. "Commander Chakotay!", she panted. "Who is Commander Chakotay?"

As soon as Chakotay stepped out of the group, B'Elanna jumped in front of him. "What do you want?", she growled angrily.

The aid looked at her, confused. "The president asks Commander Chakotay to stay behind, there is something she wants to discuss with him personally."

"We won't leave anybody behind!"

"I am told, that the Commander will shortly join you on your ship."

Before B'Elanna could say anything else, Chakotay assuringly put his arm on her shoulder. "It is alright, B'Elanna." And turning towards the aid he added: "I will go with you."

While the guards ushered the rest of the away team to the transport room, the aid led Chakotay down another corridor.

"Did the culprit get caught?", Chakotay asked to break the silence and to gain as much information as possible.

The aid just shook her head, no.

"Then you have found evidences that it wasn't us?"

The aid looked up at him. "No.", she said quietly. There was something in her eyes, something Chakotay couldn't identify.

"But, then, why are you releasing us? Do you trust us this much?"

"No, somebody agreed to take upon him the yoke of ultimate sacrifice."

"Ultimate sacrifice?" Those words left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Somebody, who has nothing to do with the crime, chooses to die for his friends, so that his friends will be cleansed of all accusations."

"A friend? Surely nobody from this planet?"

Again, the aid only mutely shook her head.

"Then somebody from the ship, but who? Kathryn would never allow..." He looked at his companion in horror. "No, not Kathryn! Tell me, that it is not Kathryn!"

The aid kept her eyes straight ahead, locked on the door they had just reached. Swiftly she typed in the code for it to open. With a low hiss it revealed the president, of course, sitting on a comfortable couch, and next to her...

"Kathryn!", Chakotay shouted and rushed towards her. Kathryn rose slowly seemingly dazed. As soon as he was near enough, he roughly grabbed her by her shoulders, shaking her. "How dare you even attempt to do this to us, to me! You can't sacrifice yourself!" Anger blazed in his eyes.

"Commander, my mind is set and everything is under way, there is nothing you can do." Her voice was rough, but her eyes determined.

"President, can't I take her place? She is the Captain, the crew needs her to get home."

"No, since you were one of the accused."

"Kathryn, you just can't do this. You are responsible for your crew. Wasn't it you who promised them that you would get them home?"

"Didn't I already break that promise? You ten are part of that crew!"

"But you don't have to die for us! This prison isn't that bad, the guards were treating us pretty well. The real culprit probably would have been caught in a few weeks and then we would have been free. We could have started a small colony or chartered a ship. At least we would have been _alive_! And we would have known, that you were alive, too. Every time, we would have gotten homesick, we could have looked at the stars and been comforted by the thought that you were there, somewhere, leading the rest of the crew home."

"Chakotay", her voice was soft now, "do you really think I could lead this ship home with most of the senior officers missing? You know the dangers of this quadrant. And what about little Naomi? Should I have sent Sam down, so that she can live in prison with her daughter?"

Chakotay looked lost, tears welled up in his eyes. "No, but you are the one that gives them hope. They need you, they love you. They can't live without you... I can't..." His voice broke.

"But if you stayed on this planet I wouldn't be there, either", she whispered, a lone tear running down her cheek. "And founding a colony? Don't ask me to do that. I made the promise..."

"I know, but there would be hope and dreams..." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Kathryn."

Kathryn was crying now. "I love you, too." They held each other closely, willing the world to stop spinning, the time to stop its eternal flow.

"Will you promise me something?", she asked with a forlorn voice. "Will you get them home?"

"Of course."

"It is time, now." The president purred. Captain and Commander shared one sad look, suddenly their lips met. Then they let go of each other.

"Commander, please wait here, until...", the president searched for words, "this is over." She stirred Kathryn out of the room.

Chakotay sank on the couch, his legs no longer able to hold his weight. He started to sob hard as if the world was crushing down on him. His Kathryn was gone...


	3. Chapter 3

When the door opened, Chakotay stood up, dazed. The president entered the room, draped over her arm was Kathryn's uniform. An iron fist seemed to squeeze Chakotay's heart. "Ka... the Captain?", he breathed.

The president looked at him with mournful eyes. "She passed on peacefully. I wish to offer you my condolences."

No, Chakotay shook his head, could Kathryn really be dead? The only person he knew to have cheated death more than once, the strong captain who would go through the fires of hell for her crew. Numbly he stared at her uniform, all that was left of her? "Her..." He swallowed hard and tried to speak again, his mouth dry like old parchment, "Her body, where... ?"

"Her body is gone, none of the accused are allowed to see their friend's body.", her voice was soft and full of sadness.

"No!" Chakotay ran into the other room. It was all white, with a white comfortable bed, and white cushions on the white carpet. On one of them sat the president's aid with a small black cat in her lap. There were no traces of Kathryn, anywhere.

"I am sorry." A comforting hand patted his left arm. "Will you take her clothes? And... I asked her whether she would like to give a special gift to you, something that will remind you of her. She agreed." The president signaled her aid.

He accepted the clothes. They still seemed to be warm. Chakotay closed his eyes for a moment, remembering her smell. When he opened them again, his eyes fell on the cat the aid was offering him. He backed off. What? That was the gift? A cat? Why on earth did it have to be a cat? He had the feeling he would start hating these animals, soon. Wasn't it because of them, that Kathryn was dead, now?

"The love of one of the ancestors is remarkable. Once, you have gained her trust, she'll be able to heal the wounds of your soul."

Chakotay stared at the president in disbelief.

"I won't deny that you will have scars, but yes, I know that in time she'll help you laugh again."

"You honestly think, that a cat can replace the Captain?"

"Replace her? No." The president shook her head. "But through the cat you will remember her. Memories are precious! If you love her, she can give you even more... So, will you accept her?"

"I can't..."

"Please do consider that she is Kathryn's last gift to you, a gift of the heart."

He swallowed hard and nodded, reluctantly.

Carefully the aid placed the cat in his arm and he looked at her closely for the first time. Her fur was soft and shiny and perfectly black. Only the tip of her ears, the tip of her tail and her chest were white. Suddenly she looked up at him, their eyes met. He gasped. Blue, he thought, as blue as hers. For some fleeting seconds, he saw her face again. "Memories", he muttered under his breath.

"-ompany you to our transporter room." Chakotay looked up, startled, but mutely followed the President, the cat's small warm body still pressed to his chest. He felt like he was going through heavy fog. Everything was blurry, there was no sound, only something black that warmed his heart. Odd, black was a color of mourning, cold, dark, then why did he feel comforted?

"Chakotay. Chakotay!", somebody called him. Whoever it was, he sounded lost. Briefly he wondered whether it was his own voice, but that was absurd, why would he call himself? Slowly his eyes focused on his surroundings: he was back on Voyager. Had everything been a horrible dream? After taking a steadying breath he realized he was standing on the platform in the transporter room. He felt the fabric of her uniform in his right hand and found himself awake in his own nightmare.

"Chakotay!"

Finally, his eyes settled on the person in front of him. It was B'Elanna. "Chakotay, are you alright?" She looked worried and slightly agitated. "And where is the Captain? I wanted to show her a few modifications I'd like to make, and according to the computer she is not on board. I've heard rumors, but they are just absurd. So do you know where she is?"

Chakotay couldn't speak, couldn't move. He just kept staring at her, eyes unblinking.

B'Elanna jumped onto the platform and yanked hard on his arm.

"Chakotay, you are scaring me! Tell me that the rumors are not true. Tell me!"

As Chakotay sadly shook his head, B'Elanna's eyes widened. "People say that she got arrested and some, even, that she was executed for our sake, but Chakotay..." He just kept staring morosely at the floor, refusing to meet her eyes. Helplessly, she started to pound her friend's arm: "But. Why. Didn't. You. Stop..." and suddenly came face to face with a very frightened feline, that hung to Chakotay's clothes, knowing nowhere else to go. Taken aback, she asked: "What exactly is that?"

"A, a cat", came the husky reply.

"I can't believe you! You, you watch her die and take this creature back with you!" With one last shove she ran out of the room.

_A/N: I know I kept you waiting for a long time and I am really sorry that I did. Most of this chapter had been on my computer for ages, but I had a hard time finishing it. It is fairly short, but don't worry, there will be more chapters. Thanks to all those that encourage me to keep going._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you all for you wonderful reviews and for bearing with me._

Chakotay didn't know how he ended up in sickbay. His starfleet training must have kicked in, reminding him, that alien creatures needed to be checked by the doctor.

"Oh, hello Commander. What can I do for you?" The eyes of the Doctor fell on the cat in Chakotay's arm. "Oh, no! I am a doctor, not a vet!" When commander Chakotay didn't budge, the EMH grudgingly condescended to do his job. "Very well, put it on the bed", he said while impatiently tapping his fingers on one of the biobeds. As he ran a medical tricorder over the cowering cat, he couldn't help but muttering: "Tsk, tsk, pets on the ship. And I am the last to be informed, of course. Hmph, I really need to speak to the Captain about this." Being entirely occupied with his new 'patient', holding it down to keep it from escaping, he never noticed Chakotay shivering.

"Well, Commander, this cat is female, about 6 months old and very healthy. Her caffeine levels are too high, of course, she is undernourished and sleep-deprived. But that, certainly, is perfectly normal for her."

"What?"

"Commander, should I check your hearing? I said that it is very healthy."

"What about her caffeine levels?"

The doctor gaped at his commanding officer, dumbfounded. "What about them?"

"Are they, er, normal?"

"It is a cat, Commander." At the sight of Chakotay's determined face, the EMH sighed and scanned the cat again. "These readings indicate that this feline didn't consume anything containing caffeine during the last 72 hours."

"Does she eat and sleep enough?"

Voyager's CMO rolled his eyes but answered dutifully: "My scans do indicate that she does. Since I don't know her eating and sleeping habits, I can't say for sure, of course. All cats tend to sleep and nap 16-18 hours a day. She is a little bit underweight, but that is perfectly normal for animals in their youth." He looked at Chakotay with critical eyes. "Are you alright, Commander?"

Chakotay pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am sorry, Doctor, I could have sworn that you said her caffeine levels were too high."

"I said nothing of that sort. Now, if you had asked my about the Captain..."

Chakotay cut him of in mid sentence: "It is alright. I guess, I am just a little tired." He grabbed the cat, which meowed in protest and turned on the spot.

"Commander, wait! Do you know how to care for her?" When Chakotay turned around once more and mutely shook his head, the Doctor took a padd in his hands and quickly typed in a few instructions. "Here are a few recipes for cat food you may try, and some instructions for the replicator. You'll need a litter pan, dishes, a scratching post and so on. Lucky for you, I had a cat on the holodeck, once." He added, looking smug.

"Thank you, Doctor." The listlessness in his superior's voice annoyed the hologram. Couldn't he be a bit more appreciative of the Doctor's many talents?

Fifteen minutes later, the senior staff was seated in the conference room. Chakotay had called this meeting as soon as he had exited sickbay. Now, he looked at the faces of each of his senior officers. Tom, B'Elanna and Harry were pale; they knew what had happened if not really why. Tuvok's face was as impassive as ever, yet Chakotay suspected the Vulcan knew more then everybody else, himself included. He wasn't sure about Neelix and Seven. The Doctor probably suspected nothing. He was indeed the last one to know.

He took a deep breath. "I called this meeting to clarify some rumors that have been running through the ship. Kathryn... Captain Janeway passed away this afternoon."

"What?" Sure enough, it was the Doctor that asked this question.

"She died for us..." Tom's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Mr. Paris, what are you talking about?"

Yet Tom didn't answer, he was starring at the table with unseeing eyes.

"Lieutenant Paris was referring to a choice that Captain Janeway was presented with: One, to leave ten crewmen behind in a prison on this planet, including most of the senior staff and the child Naomi. The other, to retrieve them at the cost of her life. She chose the latter", Tuvok replied.

"But, Captain Janeway is very resourceful, surely she could have found a way to rescue the missing people? And why were they in prison, anyway?"

"To cut a long story short: We were accused of having slaughtered a bunch of cats and apparently that is one of the worst crimes you could commit down there." B'Elanna's voice betrayed her still seething anger."

"Cats?"

Harry nodded miserably. "It was a horrible sight."

"Did you do it?"

"We most certainly did not!", Seven said tersely, though her eyes were full of pain.

"Well, as Voyager's Chief Medical Officer it is my duty and right to certify the Captain's death. Where is her body?"

"I wasn't allowed to take her back with me", Chakotay answered tiredly.

"I did scan for it and found nothing", Tuvok interjected.

"Of course you didn't", Neelix spoke up for the first time. "They cremate their dead. Only distinguished people get a sacred burial ceremony of some kind."

"Be it as it may, I will do a more elaborate scan of the planet." Seven stood to leave.

Chakotay didn't think that would help, but he understood her distress. "Alright, you have until 0900 hours tomorrow morning. If you haven't found her by then I will make the official announcement. A memorial service will be held in two days at 1500." He looked questioningly at Tuvok, who nodded: "The President allows us to stay in orbit and under their protection until we have performed our traditional ceremonies."

"That is all. Dismissed." Chakotay watched his senior officers leave in silence then he left for his quarters as well.

As soon as he entered his quarters he made his way for his bed. He didn't bother to undress, just laid down and stared at the ceiling. Vaguely, he heard himself calling for the time. "The time is 1904 hours." He should be having dinner with Kathryn, now. When realization hit, so did his tears. He sobbed hard, barely able to breath. And then it was there. Something soft and warm sat on his chest, a rough tongue licking at the salty tracks of his face. Automatically, he started to stroke the small animal and it's soft answering purr gradually helped him to calm down. When his eyes met blue his world began to fade.

_Kathryn's brow was furrowed with concentration. Her eyes wandered back to the children whose dishes rotated easily on their sticks. They even threw them to one another. She shook her head. It couldn't be that hard. Carefully, she put the plastic disc back on her wooden stick, determined to get it right this time. She backed up one step to keep the dish from falling and collided with the border of the sidewalk. With a thud and a small cry she landed in a pile of leaves that cushioned her fall. She sat up with an odd look on her face. Leaves were clinging to her hair and clothes. The children had stopped playing and stared at the woman. One girl started to giggle but then clasped her hands over her mouth. It was Kathryn that started to laugh. First, only her shoulders shook. That alarmed Chakotay. Was she hurt? Then, she laughed. Her laughter filled her whole being and to Chakotay it sounded like heavenly music. The children, too, laughed freely and gleefully jumped into the leaves as well. Suddenly, a very stern looking man addressed Chakotay: "I was told that I could find Captain Janeway and her first officer in this park?" He raised a questioning eyebrow at Chakotay. Chakotay looked at Kathryn who was trying hard to suppress another bout of giggles. Her hair was tousled and sprinkled with dried leaves. She stood up and straightened herself, yet she missed one small ruby colored leaf behind her ear, making her look absolutely endearing at least in Chakotay's eyes. _

Suddenly, everything was black and then he stared back into a pair of blue cat's eyes. It took some time for him to realize that the cat had blinked. Now, it yawned, stretched its front paws and closed its eyes with a satisfied look on its face. Chakotay stared at his new roommate. Where had that memory come from? She had been so happy and full of life this day. He turned on his side and closed his eyes. He wanted to be sad once more, yet he couldn't shake that memory of her.

_The inhabitants of this particular planet had almost been Vulcan like, very stern and seemingly impassive. It would have only been logical to send Tuvok on this trade mission, yet the Senator for Interplanetary Affairs insisted on speaking with the Captain and her first officer themselves. The only soft spot these people seemed to have were their children. So, after Kathryn had introduced herself to the secretary that had been sent to find them, a small smile could be seen on the man's face. In the Senator's office the two men had shared a few whispered words, then the Senator had turned around smiling slightly and had given Kathryn an approving look. Naturally, the following trade talks had been very relaxed._

_On the bridge the very next day, Chakotay had used an incoming report as an excuse to visit Kathryn in her ready room. When he demanded entrance, though, nobody answered. Worried, he used his override code. There she was, concentrating hard and swirling a blue plastic dish on a wooden stick._

_"Ahem", he cleared his throat._

_Kathryn turned around and greeted him while still balancing the dish: "Oh, Chakotay! I haven't heard you come in."_

_"I see, you figured it out. Didn't find any rest until you could do it, now, did you?", he asked with a laughing smile._

_She almost looked embarrassed. "Well, it was only a little bit of math, really. It still took me another hour to get the hang of it. I always kept moving my arm instead of only my wrist. Well Commander", she grinned at him, "now it is your turn. There is another talent show coming up." She eyed him, all innocent as he took the toy from her._

Chakotay smiled and finally drifted off to sleep. Only a quiet purr was penetrating the silence.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I am sorry that I didn't update sooner, but I finally got it done, the next chapter that is. I hope I will get better with updating. I really thank you for your patience with me. _

_And now: enjoy!_

Having finally reached the bridge, Commander Chakotay took a few deep breaths. He was late, very late for their senior staff meeting. It seemed that nobody, including the computer, did had the heart to wake him from his deep, peaceful slumber. Yet, once he woke, his pleasant dreams were overpowered by fierce reality once again. Only his sense of duty made him get ready for a day he had dreaded all his time on Voyager. He never heard the forlorn meow when the door to his quarters shut on his retreating back.

He stood in front of the closed door, knowing that once it opened there would be no more reason to hope. Hope, what hope? He knew she was dead and even if Seven did find her body, she would never be among them again. He would never hear her laughter anymore, nor feel her hand on his chest, nor her lips on his. Chakotay closed his eyes briefly and took one more step towards the door thus activating its opening-mechanism to reveal his silent senior staff. The atmosphere was subdued, all eyes were cast on the table, only Tuvok made eye contact and nodded at him: "Captain."

"No!"

Both words seemed to hang in the air for minutes, yet it was only a moment's hesitation before Tuvok, Voyager's new XO, spoke again in his usual calm manner: "Pardon me, Captain, but that is exactly who you are. Captain Janeway would have expected nothing less."

"I know, I'm sorry Tuvok, of course I will be Voyager's Commanding Officer and I will lead her home, I promised it to her." Chakotay paused briefly. "Voyager is Captain Janeway's ship and it should be hers, always. I will keep my rank of Commander. I know this is a starfleet ship and if you, as my executive officer, want a promotion I would gladly give it to you. But please, leave the rank of Captain to Kathryn." Chakotay sat down heavily, emotionally spent.

Tuvok certainly did understand Commander Chakotay's motive for declining the title of Captain. He doubted, though, that Captain Janeway would be forgotten by anyone on this ship. Nevertheless, he knew about the frail human emotions of his comrades, so he decided to go along with Chakotay's proposition, at least for now. "I understand, Commander, and I will still go by Lieutenant Commander."

Chakotay sighed in relief. "Thank you, Tuvok. Seven..." He couldn't make himself to complete the sentence.

"I found nothing, Commander", Seven of Nine said stiffly.

That was it then. "I will inform the crew right after this meeting. We still need to plan her...", once more Chakotay took a deep breath, "her funeral..."

"Don't worry about it, Chakotay, we", Tom Paris looked at Harry, B'Elanna, Neelix and Seven, "are already on it."

This put a smile on Chakotay's face, albeit a shaky one. "Thank you all, I really appreciate it."

"If that's all...?" He looked questioningly around the table. "Dismissed. Tuvok, I'll be in the ready room, you'll have the bridge. Please, open a ship wide comm channel in...", again he paused, but knew that he couldn't keep the crew in the dark forever, "ten minutes."

Tuvok nodded in acknowledgment and haded for the bridge, following the rest of the senior staff.

Ten more minutes were not nearly enough for Chakotay to compose himself. His surroundings, of course, didn't help at all. In the ready room, her ready room, everything spoke of her: her personal items decorating the room and her desk, the half read report from engineering, even her favorite coffee mug held its usual, now cold, content.

"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay." Chakotay jumped in his seat, suddenly startled though he did anticipate the call. He slapped his comm badge hard. "Chakotay here."

"I will open the channel now." Chakotay tried to swallow that great lump in his throat. "Go ahead, Tuvok."

Chakotay squared his shoulders and tried to don on a captain's persona.

"All hands, this is Commander Chakotay speaking. I know you are all aware of certain rumors that have not been verified. It therefore is my sad duty to inform you of the events that took place yesterday in the late afternoon. Ten of Voyager's crew were caught at the site of over 20 cruelly butchered cats and were accused of having committed said crime. The murder of a cat is normally punished with the death of the murderer. In our case, these ten crewmen would have faced lifelong imprisonment. I know that quite a few of you got to know our gracious hosts, the Faylee people, as very open and warm. Captain Janeway, as always, stood up for our people and tried to find a way that would both obtain our lost crew members and satisfy any legal demands of the Faylee. She did find a way but at the cost of her own life."

It took all his willpower to keep his voice from wavering.

"We were not allowed to take her body back with us and even after several elaborate scans we could not find any traces of her body. Since it is the Faylee's tradition to cremate their dead we can only assume that this is what happened to the remains of Captain Janeway. I will also like to inform you that I have accepted the command of Voyager, yet I will not accept the title of captain. It belongs to Captain Janeway, the greatest leader Voyager will ever see. To honor her exemplary life and the love for her crew, which she valued more than her own life, we will have a memorial service tomorrow at 1500 hours. We are still safely in orbit around Faylia, so everyone is welcome to attend. If she were here she would say it to you herself: you are a wonderful crew. Chakotay out."

His mouth was dry as if he had spoken for hours, yet suddenly his lips were moistened by a drop of salty liquid, and than another one and another...

Like almost everything in the past 15 hours his way back to his quarters was hardly registered in his brain. He shot a painful look at her door, but couldn't make himself to enter the override code. He knew he had to stay strong for her crew, otherwise he would have slumped to the floor as his strength left him once more. Only through sheer will power he made it to his own bed before he collapsed.

It was so quiet, maybe he could sleep? Yes, sleep would be nice, he was so tired... Chakotay's eyes popped open, again. There was a tiny noise coming from his bathroom. It sounded so weak, almost like the whimpering his own soul made. The cat! He had absolutely forgotten about it. Where the energy suddenly came from, he didn't know, but within the blink of an eye he was in his bathroom. But where was the cat? Another meow, hardly stronger than the last one directed his eyes to his toilet. There she was, in the basin trying in vain to keep her little head above the water. He got her out of the water, graped a towel and was on his way to sickbay within seconds.

In the turbolift he leaned on the wall, spent, and pressed the tiny, shivering body to his chest with his left hand, while his right gently dried it's soaked fur. He knew he should have avoided her eyes, but part of him wanted to be comforted by _her_ presence again. Chakotay was not prepared for what he saw:

_It was maelstrom of pictures. Explosions were all around him and it was always Kathryn on the ground with a constantly changing variety of wounds. Two pictures stayed a little longer. First, he saw himself on a barren planet, cradling her inert body, pleading for her to breath. In the second picture he saw her tear stained face as she was being ushered into a white room. As the door closed behind her, he could still feel the tingling of his lips where hers had been just a moment ago._

"No!" He almost threw his bundle at the opposite wall, yet caught himself just in time. He would never hurt an helpless animal, even one that confused him so.

The EMH was active, when he finally arrived in sickbay. "Ah, Commander, what can I do..." His gaze fell on the cat. "Oh, what happened now?"

"I found her in my toilet bowl. She almost died." The last sentence Chakotay had whispered more to himself.

"Well, put her on the biobed, will you?" While Chakotay did as he was told, the Doctor retrieved a medical tricorder from a medical cart behind him.

"Hmm, she was lucky, you got her in time. Her body temperature is two degrees below normal and she is extremely exhausted. She hardly swallowed any water, though." He injected her with two hyposprays. "You can take her back, now. I guess she will sleep for a while. I would recommend to you to keep you toilet lid closed from now on. And always provider her with a dish of fresh water."

Water, food. With a pang of conscience Chakotay realized that he hadn't given her either this morning.

"Doctor, I possibly can't take care of a cat right now. Since you know so much about them, you should look after her." Before the Doctor could utter any possible complains, the Commander had already left sickbay, leaving the doors to close behind him.

"Nice", the Doctor muttered and than addressed his new roommate: "What will I do with you?"

The cat looked back at him, his skepticism mirrored in her own blue eyes.


End file.
